porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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