It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
birth control should be required to get into college
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I party with great urgency now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
