New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
