I can text with my tongue
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
