he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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