I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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