She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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