Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
