That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
