My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
