the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
