This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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