Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
