don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
