I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
