Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
