Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize