i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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