I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
