Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i think im in europe. pls send help
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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