Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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