My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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