My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
