you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
