I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
