Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
