u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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