Your tits are I can't wait for
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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