I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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