Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Quick, to the slutcave!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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