Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
