yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
