So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
