Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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