so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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