it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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