my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
