ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
