He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
