You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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