The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
