Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
