U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
