i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She told me I should be a condom model.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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