i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
