Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
