so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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