Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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