just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
