You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
