best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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