I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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