how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
