Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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