DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
