john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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