Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize