He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
