Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
