Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize