I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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