im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
