i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
