He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
