Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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