I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
