Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
