Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
