I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I understand Curling. That high.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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