A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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